I’m in a living hell

I have Existential OCD for starters. I have been on Sertraline since December 21 starting at 25mg. I bumped it up to 50mg about a week ago and things have only gotten worse. I ended up in the ER three days ago from such a destabilizing bout of depersonalization that I couldn’t function. I am in such a state of profound anxiety and terror. I am not functioning. They gave me Ativan but it doesn’t do much.

I have taken Sertraline in the past for OCD at 25mg with great success and no side effects. I do not know why this is happening now. I’ve also just been hit with the diarrhea that comes with it. I am a mother. I am a stay at home mom to a three year old boy. I am failing him massively.

I’m terrified to live, I’m terrified to die, I’m terrified even of a beautiful afterlife because I’m afraid to leave my body and be an amorphous soul or whatever. I can’t make sense of anything.

They want me to increase the Sertraline by 25mg weekly. If it gets worse than this I will lose my mind. I don’t know what to do. Someone please tell me this gets better. My existence is agony.