Critique my Writing

Hi, I’m a Teen aspirant writer. This is an excerpt from what I’m writing

This morning, most likely after realizing the futility of his attack, the Shadow decided to change his strategy, in such a drastic way that I almost doubted my survival.

When I woke up, I saw her as always having fun unpacking my room. But when she came near me, she had a sullen look: it was clear why. She was tired of feeling made fun of, and also of coming to my house every morning, after all, always playing who destroys my room the most tired after a while, right?

From one of his eyes I was released accumulated for years: years spent trying to kill me. Between sucked blood and screams of pain, today she wanted to end this circus, using her final weapon. As always his gaze instilled fear in me, but this time, his eyes were changing color, and from the blood red they were, now they were becoming black as pitch. I was confused... and I didn't understand what he had in mind to do. Maybe he wanted to scare me so much that he gave me a heart attack? Or was this change of color simply a sign of friendship? But well, after a few seconds everything would have been clearer to me.

Strange tentacles came out of them: at first they were thin, so much so that I didn't even notice them, but then they became thick, and they wrapped my eyes, going beyond my eyelids. It was a strange feeling: it seemed to have eyes in a cage. I didn't feel any pain, just a strong discomfort and an imminent sense of tearing. When the Shadow saw my tears wet my cheeks, he laughed, and then, I heard his tentacles further exploring my head, trying to understand where they were. And that's how, after settling in that new world, they found their way to my brain, and tried to wrap it around: The Shadow was trying to take control of me. I tried to wring to try to drive her away, but it was all useless, in fact The Shadow had taken possession of almost all my brain: I felt them, her soft and slimy tentacles that trapped my reason, and losing it, I would become a useless puppet of the creature that had been torturing me for years.

I couldn't give up so easily, and that's how I used my weapon, which always saved me every time the Shadow came to my house: close my eyes. Even though his tentacles were trapped in my head, I managed to close my eyelids with that miserable healthy part of brain left, and that's how every feeling of discomfort, pain and agony disappeared. I had won, but now I would have to fight against my second enemy: the nightmare.

As soon as I woke up in that strange world, the wind had already risen, and it was so strong that I risked falling into the sea of blood. But this time, there was something strange even in my usual dream: there were huge black tentacles, surrounding the rock. They moved in jerks, and it seemed that they also suffered from the cold wind. As soon as I saw them, I was amazed. They were so big that they even covered the moon, and I didn't understand why they were there.

I was sitting on the ground, sheltering from the cold with my arms, and trying to stay as far away from the edges as possible. My strategy was working, but even if I believed that this time I could save myself, it was clear that sooner or later I would drown after being devoured by hungry fish.

So, after having suffered the expectation of my end, the ghost appeared in the sky. He looked at me with his usual furious eyes, but this time they had a touch of surprise: to kill me, he would use a different technique, and he wouldn't even throw me into the icy blood-colored water:

"I see you're having fun, most likely you're waiting for me to finish you off, aren't you?" He told me talking with a moking tone

I, even if I wanted to answer him, couldn't open my mouth: in this nightmare I had never been able to utter a word, neither a moan of pain nor a response to the ghost: I felt like my mouth was covered by scotch tape, but anyway, in a nightmare where I am devoured by fish, it is useless for me to utter a word.

"I think you're wondering who these tentacles are that wrap around your only salvation platform, well, you should know that, shouldn't you?" He asked me as he approached, and rested his feet on the rock: now we were face to face, next to each other, I could have punched him in the face if I wanted it, but even if I had tried, my arm would have crossed his body, without hurting him any.

"My dear murderer, these are the tentacles with which my servant is enveloping my brain, and now, I will use them to kill you, but first, I want to make you feel all the pain you made me feel by killing me" saying it I felt all his anger, to which I had not yet found a sensible explanation.

So, The ghost left, and the tentacles took me, some by the legs, others by the head. My body stretched, as if I were made of jelly, and now I was the stretchable toy of those black tentacles, and probably now they wanted to have fun, as the ghost had promised him

"Now, after years spent torturing the one who killed me, oh my dear Shadow, the time has come for you to have fun. Come on! Now stretch his body, and let him feel the most excruciating sufferings!”

After these words, I felt myself pulled, and I felt a very strong pain throughout my body. My legs reached up to the sky, and my head was so deformed that my whole body felt sore. Strange sounds came from the tentacles: it seemed that they were having fun. I was happy for the Shadow, since after all this time she was finally having fun, it's a shame that I was the one who suffered the pains!

I was now destroyed, and the ghost, thinking that I had suffered enough by now, intervened, to put an end to this macabre game:

"Oh my helper, it hurts me to tell you, but I'm afraid the time of the games is over. Come on, now he lengthens his body to the maximum: I will be the one to give him the coup de grace, with which I will kill him, and I will make him return to the real world"

So the tentacles lengthened my body as much as possible, and the ghost appeared above us:

"Oh my murderer, for you instead the time of suffering ends, and to kill you, I will use this sword, and I will cut your body in two. I hope you had fun today as always: see you tomorrow morning”

Saying these words, while holding a sword with a golden handle, with a red stone engraved, and an iron saber, he tore me apart for life, dividing my body, now a corpse, into two equal parts. All my organs fell into the sea, and as I heard the ghost laugh with its high-pitched voice, I fainted, and woke up in my bed.

This time my blankets were not stained with blood, compared to the other days, but my room was as always an unsolvable mess. But I was sure that everything would return to its place once I got out of bed, and that's exactly how it was.

The sun was shining outside, but as the forecast had said, it was all a fiction: it would come to rain later. So, like every other day, I lay on the couch. I didn't feel sleepy, on the contrary, I was more reactive than the other days. It was strange, as I had felt such a strong energy for years now, for as long as I can remember. In my whole life, however, I have never experienced emotions, but today, by chance, watching a movie, I may have managed to understand them better:

It was about the usual teenage dramas, and a high school girl suddenly felt a strange sensation in her heart. It was very strong, and from the center of the chest it propagated throughout the body. It made her feel good, but only when she was with a boy did she reach her peak, making her feel embarrassed, but at the same time happy. This feeling was called "Love", a name that you had rarely heard, but that had always intrigued me. Would I have experienced this feeling too? Or I would have just watched other people try it, while I would have remained in my insilid world of Apathy, every day further and further away from the exit.

These reflections of mine were interrupted by a loud sound: a thunder. This time I didn't fall to the ground like yesterday, but I was left dead on my couch, looking at the ceiling, asking myself a thousand questions about this particular emotion. I've always heard of it as something strong and particular, not as a feeling you feel every day. And in particular, as something that can only be felt for something, or more specifically, for a person. Have I ever met this person? What if I had already seen it somewhere? What if it was... the ghost? The person I loved so much in the past, but whom I killed by mistake?

I'm definitely wandering too much. I don't want to get bored with these obsessive thoughts anymore, so it's time for me to sleep. Tomorrow there will be a beautiful sun. I could take the opportunity to leave the house, after a long time, and maybe go somewhere nice, and maybe meet the person who makes me feel "Love" for the first time.