I get happy when someone RSVPs no

I feel so bad about this and obviously can’t share it with people around me. But every time someone RSVPs no I feel lighter.

Our venue seats 200 and I’m not from the same country I live in. We originally wanted to keep our wedding to 100 guest but settled on 120. We did our list and we had 200 total.

I know a big chunk of those guest were not going to make it because getting here is expensive and they need to apply for a tourist visa. I was shocked but also touched on how many family members went out of their way to save and apply for the visas to make it to our wedding.

It’s bittersweet because I didn’t think my extended family would care enough to make the big effort to come, and it meant a lot to me. But also, I’m paying per plate and thinking of having 200 guests made me feel so stressed.

So now, every time someone RSVPs no, I feel a little relief. We are expecting now to have a wedding of around 130 which makes me feel better. I know I might be a monster but I needed to vent about this.