This is kind of embarrassing

I need some advice , please no negative comments I’m actually super embarrassed to even be asking this so publicly because I feel like I’m the only one experiencing this.

So here’s a little backstory to start, I used to smoke hella weed, all day, everyday, for about 15 years, then I got pregnant and quit smoking back in 2021, I have tried several times to start smoking again/ taking edibles like I used to and I simply can’t enjoy it anymore, and I’m super devastated and wondering if there’s anything I can do to help? Weed was such a godsend for me on so many levels and now I’ve turned to alcohol on the nights I wish to “relax” after a long day and I wish I could just get stoned like before. But I can’t. I get super paranoid, my heart starts racing up to 180 beats/ min , I can’t sit still, I start to convince myself I’m hearing things, and I simply just can’t relax and enjoy it like I used to… it almost scares me most of the time to the point I never want to touch green again but that kills me inside. I tried to smoke a joint last weekend that ended up in me almost calling 911 because I was in a state of panic for almost 6 hours !! The next day I was so exhausted from it all I felt like I got hit by a truck. I just don’t get why I could smoke soooo much soooo often then I quit for a bit and now it’s like I can never do it again. Help?