I spent 2 days in bed deeply embroiled in the darkest most horrible intrusive thoughts and then gambled. It doesn't feel good I was one year clean from gambling. I feel weak

I quit meth, alcohol, and gambling 13 months ago. All on different days but within a short time span of each other. I was a year clean from all three. The last two days I've been in the darkest most horrible place I've been in years in my thoughts. I didn't go to a meeting, didn't get any help, didn't use any of my coping skills. This morning I woke up and told myself hey I'll go get a breakfast with a friend. I live in a gambling town, I looked over out the window and told myself oh your depressed look there's instant dopamine hits. I knew I wouldn't drink or use. But deep in the back of my mind I told myself I'd gamble again. It started as just 40 and you know how this story ends I ended up losing 300. Honestly, at this juncture in my life, not a big amount. I didn't do any permant damage, didn't gamble myself out of house and home, will easily pay all my bills, am not in trouble with the law and am not close to being homeless again. But nonetheless I lost 300 dollars that could've easily been used for a better purpose. I am sad, I feel like I lost control I've been trying so hard to maintain. I had a weak point in my recovery. I know I just start again but once the pallette is wet I know its going to take few days to come off the high of gambling and the regret of gambling. I hate this feeling, I was trying to escape uncomfortable feelings and have only ended up with worse ones. I just wanted to post this online so I have something to see in the future should I ever return to gambling again. Thanks for reading stop in say hi, offer words of encouragement if you can. I have a sponsor in AA I've already told them, I did not drink or use. But damn if I didn't pick up the phone when I should have.