Does anyone else have a sibling with severe disabilities that you are taking care of?

My brother is very autistic (not as bad as some people have it), he can talk, dress himself, bathe himself, and has a job at a program for adults with special needs. However he still relies on me and my parents entirely, so much that he will never be able to live on his own.

I have been panicking to myself every night for the past few months thinking about when my parents die and I have to take care of him on my own. Since I was a little kid I was made aware that this will happen.

I don’t mean to sound selfish but I just don’t think I can live like this, but at the same time I feel like I can’t live with myself if I don’t. I try not to think of this stuff but it has been negatively affecting my life for years now. I used to be a very talkative and extroverted kid who was friends with everyone, but as I got older and I realized just how the situation was I started closing up entirely. I feel shouldn’t form relationships (platonic or romantic) with anyone ever. I’m about to graduate college and I’ve never even had a girlfriend, and tbh I don’t think I ever will because whenever the idea of even asking a girl out crosses my mind I become physically disgusted with myself because they don’t deserve to get dragged into my problems. I feel like I can’t ever enjoy myself or make connections with anyone; or that if I’m not a millionaire by 30 I’m letting my family down.

These feelings have gotten worse lately because I’m graduating very soon, but also my parents have been asking me about what I want to do in life, if I am going to parties, or if I’m seeing anyone yet. Up until a month ago they never asked this to me ever, it feels like they are only now to send me a message “if you aren’t having fun now then when will you ever?”

Sorry to vent like this but I can’t talk about this to anyone in my real life because so few people I know in my life seem to relate or care.