The birth rate would be higher if having kids didn’t destroy other aspects of your life

The average nuclear family probably lives hours from both sets of grandparents, has two parents with full time jobs, in their 40s or mid-late 30s, few opportunities to socialise, and an extended family/friend group they see once or twice a year tops, maybe even less so with friends

Cultural messaging around kids is often ‘you will be stressed, miserable, struggle for sleep and broke but you should do it and be glad’.

This in my view is why TFR drops in almost every developed country, and drops as development occurs. Having a kid becomes miserable and isolating.

Don’t get me wrong, once you have a kid they should be the most important thing in your life and your life should change and you ought to become less selfish. This isn’t deadbeat apologia. To neglect or worse, abandon your kids is the height of cowardice. However, it’s not healthy to lose essential community with other people, and space for yourself. We evolved to have that.

My grandparents were nowhere near as isolated and friendless as parents are today, nor were my parents.