How the hell do I recover without 12 steps?

I have been trying for years now. I have had sponsors, tried doing the steps. Went to treatment for 6 months and stayed in the move on house. Had 18months sobriety, stopped going to meetings and relapsed.

Now I have a great life, hobbies, goals, dreams and ambitions. I had 4 and a half months sober everything was going so well but then my old thinking patterns kicked in, resentment from years ago, anger, irritability and all the rest then I relapsed.

Am I just not ready to quit and just lying to myself?