Am I Enough?

Being raised by the narcs was shitty. I did not know how shitty it was until four or five years of being away from them showed me how messed up they were.

The legacy of having grown under them has been difficult. It turned me into a punching bag and a door mat. It turned me into someone who is constantly seeking the approval of strangers. It turned me into someone who is constantly seeking a family.

I am constantly looking for the love and attention that was never given to me. I was taught that I have no intrinsic value. I was shown the cold hard truth that 99.9 percent of all love and care is basically conditional.

Needless to say it's put me in a lot of negative situations - with bosses, with friends, with aquantiences, with partners.

I constantly feel like I am at a disadvantage with people. I constantly feel scared of them. Being around people sucks. I am constantly wondering whether people are "safe" or if they are going to fuck me over.

It's a pretty shitty life sometimes.