5 weeks+4 days and feeling…..

Exhausted: I’ve been taking multiple-hour naps (which I never do) and just getting up to walk around the apartment is enough to exhaust me. I want to do house chores and be productive but it’s like my body literally won’t let me, like I’m glued to the couch/bed.

Emotional: I’ve cried twice today over small things - one being that I couldn’t do chores and that my poor bf had to come home from work and start laundry/dishes that were there all day while I sat and did nothing. He doesn’t mind at all, but I feel this huge sense of guilt over it. I also feel like a zombie mentally, just no mental energy, lack of motivation, sadness but also emptiness? The brain fog is real too.

Weird about food: thankfully no real nausea has hit, but I’m definitely getting very picky with my eating, having specific cravings, and avoiding certain foods that I usually love. Tonight for dinner I had a sleeve of ritz crackers, a few pieces of beef jerky, and a Gatorade bc that’s the only thing that sounded good.

Scared: I’m getting this overwhelming feeling like, “what have I done to myself and my body”. I’m so scared of what’s to come and all the crazy symptoms I may have to face. I’m also scared for my mental health. There’s no turning back now and a lot of my previous coping strategies (taking a hot bath, a drink of alcohol, etc) are all off limits, and the comfort I used to find in food is no longer really there.

And it’s just the beginning….