Surprised by how traumatic an ultrasound felt today as someone who won't have children

I am 52 and don't have my own children. Short story is it never happened due to some different circumstances. I've accepted it in a lot of ways or at least some of the time...and then sometimes it is still very hard.

I had an ultrasound today to check out the heath of my uterus due to some health problems I've been having. It didn't even occur to me when I went in that this is the procedure pregnant women have.

As the tech was rubbing the gel on my belly I suddenly figured it out.

I had dreamed of a girl.

As I lay there with this stranger checking the screen, I thought about that girl. All the things I'd tell her. The way I'd look out for her. The jokes we might make.

But she'll never be.

I had no idea today would be so hard. It never even occurred to me how traumatic this would be.