How do I stop attracting obsessive people with low self-esteem, and find the confidence to go after people I'm physically attracted to?

TL;DR at bottom. Reposting for clarity/conciseness. It's still a bit long, but if you take the time to read I'd appreciate any help!

I, 21 F, have a toxic pattern of attracting people with low self-esteem who become borderline obsessed with me. I have a mental habit of classifying everyone as either "better" or "worse" than me, and so far I've only dated people I've perceived as worse. I don't have the confidence to pursue anyone I'm actually attracted to, or who I feel is ahead of me mentally. I am terrified of being hurt, and I know I have trust issues. When someone becomes too attached to me, or seems to look up to me, I develop a sudden and intense contempt for them that almost ruins the relationship.

Some context: I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and very recently bipolar II. I had my first hypomanic episode a few months ago. I'm on antidepressants and mood stabilizers, which have helped immensely. My birth parents divorced when I was very young. My dad and stepmom have a very chaotic, abusive relationship. My parents are East Asian immigrants, and they can be very success-oriented and judgmental.

I was raised to base my self-worth on my accomplishments. I had extreme academic pressure growing up, and I had a massive ego because I was a top student (perfect ACT score, selective high school, extracurriculars). I looked down on other people and judged them based on looks, academics, "direction" in life, etc. I was a little shit of a kid. In my senior year of high school, COVID hit and I went from straight A's to straight F's. I failed my way through college, and everything fell apart. It's only recently I've started to reflect, face some undesirable aspects of myself, and develop an intrinsic sense of self-love.

I know in my heart that everyone is equal, I love that people have such different backgrounds and skill sets and stories that I don't know about. However, I can't stop perceiving someone as "better" or "worse" than me instead of just different. As soon as I perceive someone as lesser, it seems that that person also thinks of me as better.

I seem to attract losers who put me on a pedestal and acknowledge how much better I am than them. I entertain this because I, like them, have low self-esteem.

I am saying it the meanest way possible, because my brain is mean and I don't know how to turn it off. This has been a recurring pattern since childhood. When I was 12, I had a 38 year old tutor groom me. He acted like a loser with no friends, repeatedly telling me I was the only one who understood his loneliness and cared about his feelings. My own Dad, who was terrible and drove away everyone in his life including my two sisters, would say I'm the only one that "sees" him. I got off on being the guiding light in someone's world, and the person who mattered most to them.

Fast forward to the college dating scene. I'm making friends who are kind and love me, I'm being pursued by earnest people who really want me, and I find myself stuck. I've found a way to see every close person in my life as "dumber" or "worse" than me in some aspect. If someone says something that strikes me as immature, my brain immediately views them as not as mature as me. If someone makes a spelling error, I assume I'm more well read. Stupid, petty things that make me feel like an asshole. Obviously, I keep this to myself. I know logically that I'm being a freak, but these moments genuinely change how I view the person. I can't seem to stomach having someone around, who likes me a lot, without me developing immense contempt.

I try to hide my resentment towards these people, since they don't deserve it, and I become very hot and cold. One moment I'm super warm and say how much I love them, because in the moment I really do, but then I'm reminded of how much I look down on them. I find ways to make them feel bad, like not supporting them when I should be, or taking extra long to text them back. I'm terrible at communication, always have been. Sometimes when I'm depressed I stop responding to texts and calls for days, weeks at a time. I'm improving this issue but it still persists.

I know this is very much a psychological issue that I'm triggering in them. There's nothing remarkable or obsession-worthy about me. But it's a line of thinking that I'm sort of addicted to since in this case, I feel like I'm the one in power. This is stopping me from finding a relationship with mutual respect and equal footing.

What I need help with is: romantically, I only get involved with people I'm not attracted to, who are very much into me. I have a knack for having one-sided, obsessive relationships where the other person is very clingy and always showering me with compliments. I used to be so insecure about my looks, and weirdly I keep finding people who compliment my exact insecurities and see me exactly how I want to be seen. Part of it strokes my ego, but part of it disgusts me because I think these people are pathetic and are only viewing me this way because they themselves are ugly and dumb.

Anyways, I don't know what this is. How do I stop this sudden, intense contempt for people close to me? How do I build the confidence to go after someone I'm physically attracted to? How do I stop seeing things in a hierarchy? Can anyone relate to this at all, because I feel like I'm kind of broken

TL;DR: No matter how hard I try, I keep evaluating people as "better" or "worse" than me. I attract people I look down upon, who get very attached to me and put me on a pedestal. I want to stop this pattern and develop a healthy view of relationships, both romantic and just general. I haven't found the confidence to go after people I'm actually attracted to.