Every Captain Cook statue in Australia will be fitted with a suicide vest to deter vandals.
Pictured- (The famous statue of Cook holding aloft a severed penis exploding.)
Every Captain Cook statue will be rigged to explode if it’s sprayed with paint, or if the head is removed.
The simple solution easily passed through parliament, cos everyone is still on holiday.
Parliament caretaker ‘Shane’ gave this exclusive to the Guardian: “I’m just here to sweep the floor mostly. But I found one of those forms that they use to pass laws. So I filled it out to say that every Captain Cook statue has to be booby-trapped!”
Shane said it was easy to rubber-stamp the law: “The rubber stamp was just lying on a table. I stamped it and then went for a shit.”
He quipped: “Actually, I signed it into law on the shitter. So the law passed at the same time as my turd!”
Victorian Police Tactical Explosives experts are expected to be given the order to make every Cook lethal by Shane personally tomorrow.
The public are advised to take caution when near any Captain Cooks.
Pictured- (The famous statue of Cook holding aloft a severed penis exploding.)
Every Captain Cook statue will be rigged to explode if it’s sprayed with paint, or if the head is removed.
The simple solution easily passed through parliament, cos everyone is still on holiday.
Parliament caretaker ‘Shane’ gave this exclusive to the Guardian: “I’m just here to sweep the floor mostly. But I found one of those forms that they use to pass laws. So I filled it out to say that every Captain Cook statue has to be booby-trapped!”
Shane said it was easy to rubber-stamp the law: “The rubber stamp was just lying on a table. I stamped it and then went for a shit.”
He quipped: “Actually, I signed it into law on the shitter. So the law passed at the same time as my turd!”
Victorian Police Tactical Explosives experts are expected to be given the order to make every Cook lethal by Shane personally tomorrow.
The public are advised to take caution when near any Captain Cooks.