Went out of the country

I went out of the country for six days to visit my cousin. I was overdoing it walking a lot. She’s pretty healthy for her age and I’m in my 20s with back pain, herniated disc and degenerative disc disease and herniated disc in my neck. I really try my best I was popping pain pills pop up muscle relaxers, barely remembering the experience just to keep up. I told her I had to go home only one night and she called me selfish I swear it made me fall crying because of course I would like to be like almost 20-year-old and get around, but that’s just not my situation. I also didn’t wanna drink because of all the pills I was on and that made her upset too. I just feel so hopeless and not like people my age. I don’t wanna be here anymore. Does anyone have any of advice ????