Sexually affected ?

Hey, for the past couple of months I've been in a really bad place. Since I accepted what really happened to me things went, pretty much to shit.

I isolated myself completely. I went from being a full on open and outgoing person, to the complete opposite. I experimented with myself, forced me to watch all kinds of porn, thoughts etc. Stuff I didn't really like or was even disgusted by that. Eventually some of that became a norm, as it had happened with my abuse. There's obviously a pattern between the two. That affected me sexually. I don't know what I like anymore. I don't know if these thoughts are just obsessions-ocd, or are these feelings real. I've always been attracted to women (I'm a man) and still am to an extent, but rn I feel powerless like I can't be the one active, or the one that makes someone feel good. It feels like I'm supposed to be the one passive. Not really wanting anything, just receiving whatever happens. What happened to me feels like I deserved it, even though I know that's not the case.

I can't help my mind from having all kinds of thoughts even though I know they're wrong. My mind can't handle much more and I just suffer. Any advice? How the hell can I cope ?

I'm seeing a therapist but I haven't made much progress, but I'm just 3-4 sessions in.