I hate real food

I cannot get myself to make and eat a meal. I only crave junk food. I've been this way my whole life but now at 25 I'm fearing for my gut health. But I just CANT. I'm sitting here at the end of the day, 7pm, refusing to eat dinner. All I want to do is go to the store and get my current safe food (frosted sugar cookies those super soft ones 🤤) and binge the whole package.

So instead, I sit here not eating. And then before bed I'll force a granola bar down. OR I'll have junk food on hand and binge eat them, gaining weight so quickly. This causes self esteem issues because my weight fluctuates so often from my diet. I take meds for my adhd but all I want is fake, preservative full, junk food 😢 I guess I'm just ranting and annoyed with my relationship with food