Started talking to random men on Reddit and I regret it so much. (NSFW)

Not the main account that I use.

I’m 22F and I’ve always suffered from mental illness since I was a kid. Been diagnosed officially with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder but I think I may have an underlying personality disorder. Not sure and I don’t want to explore that just yet.

This has caused me to do certain things as coping mechanisms when they aren’t good at all. I get verbally abused by my parents (I can’t move out due to finances and how expensive apartments are in my city), I struggle to make face-to-face connections with people and I self isolate a lot. But deep down I want attention. And affection. From anyone, anything.

So I went on a certain subreddit and started to ask for an online FWB. At first I was glad with all the attention. I really liked how flooded my inbox became even though they didn’t know how I looked like and couldn’t judge me on my appearance.

Then I started to talk to some of these men. They were nice at first but it was obvious they wanted the benefits part of FWB quickly and I had to comply because that’s what I put on my post. I enjoyed it at first but then they kept asking to do it again and again and kept flirting with me and I would sext them back just so I could get it over with.

I don’t think I enjoy this attention anymore. I don’t think I like that men way older than me are asking to sext constantly or hop on voice call for phone sex. I want to end it. But I’m scared of blocking them because I was the one who put the post out in the first place. Isn’t this what I wanted?

I just wanted someone to constantly want to be around me. To like my presence. To say sweet words to me and forgive me if I do simple mistakes and not yell at me. I just didn’t want them to see my face. I don’t want to sext these men anymore. I’m scared and I’m lonely and I fucked up.

EDIT: thanks for everyone who are giving me advice and encouragement. some of the comments are really blunt and a bit rude, but i guess i need that. this post is also not an invitation to message me. i just wanted to vent.