Childfree and pregnant after husband lied about vasectomy

I’m 36 years old., almost 37. My husband is 38. We’ve been married for 10 years. We have no kids. We are child free by choice. I found out I was pregnant 1 weeks before Christmas. 

We have not always been 100% child free. I think when we first got together we figured we would have kids “one day.” That day never came. We never got to the point of feeling ready and/or wanting to intentionally plan to have a baby. We could never pull the trigger on it. 

A part of me wants kids but when I think of the reality of what that means, I can’t rationalize doing it. It’s a huge responsibility to bring a human into the world. You really have to dedicate your life to this new person. And even then, sometimes things still go wrong. I have many reasons for deciding that having children wasn’t a good idea - all of the things that could go wrong, how difficult it is, the huge responsibility of it all, and some moral reasons like just not feeling right about bringing more humans into the world. 

I always sort of had in my head that I’d have to decide by the time I was 35. At one point it felt like 35 was so far away, but then it came and we had to be honest with ourselves. If after 10 years of marriage we still felt that conflicted about it and if we weren’t totally enthusiastic about the idea then we should probably not have kids. It’d be a huge change for us and we were used to the way things were. 

My husband had a vasectomy a year ago. It was a relief to finally have made a decision and have a permanent solution. Yes, vasectomies can be reversed but that wasn’t an option we were even considering.

He had the vasectomy. He didn’t lie about that part. He was supposed to go back to check that the vasectomy was successful. He lied about that part. He never went back to get it checked. He thought that was unnecessary and the chances of it not being successful were slim - going to the doctor for one quick appointment was a waste of time for him. He told me he went though and that everything was good. So, we’ve been having sex without any kind of birth control involved since then. 

Before Christmas I started to feel nauseous and lightheaded at times. I thought I was either stressed out holiday stuff (I tend to stress myself out and overdue it at the holidays) or that I was catching one of the bugs going around - a co-worker and her family had been down with a stomach bug for several days so I thought I was coming down with that maybe. Eventually I realized that I had missed my period for 2 months. I don’t track my period these days at all. I’d been really busy at work and time since September has just zoomed by. As soon as I realized I had missed my period for 2 months I ran to the store and bought a few pregnancy tests. When I took the first one, it came back positive within seconds - there was no waiting around for the results. I took all of the tests I bought and they were all positive. I haven’t been to the doctor yet. I can’t get in until a little later this months. By my calculations, I’m 11 weeks pregnant! 

My emotions are over the place. I felt so much relief finally making the decision that we weren’t going to have kids. Now, I feel so conflicted. I also feel terrified. One of the reasons I decided against kids was because I have a ton of health anxiety, and I was very afraid of pregnancy and childbirth because of all the things that can go wrong. So, I’ve been struggling with terrible anxiety over my health since finding out. 

To add another layer, there’s the whole lying thing. I have this new moral dilemma about whether or not I want to have a child with somebody who would lie to be about having his vasectomy checked. Do I want that person as my child’s father. I know that might sound extreme and maybe it is. He thinks I’m overreacting. Yes, I know there is a margin of error for every vasectomy, even those that are verified to have been successful, but I don’t think that’s justifies what he did. 

I feel like my whole life has been turned upside down and he really doesn’t seem to be nearly as thrown for a loop as I am. I guess I might be upset about that. I feel like my world is being rocked right now and he’s just like “it won’t be so bad, maybe this is meant to be.” He also says that whatever I want to do, he’ll support me and he really doesn’t care either way. That’s infuriating to me. He sees it as him respecting that it’s my body, my choice. Yet when I tell you I want to hear you’re real opinion since having a child will affect your life forever too, I genuinely want to hear your real opinion - I feel it’s unfair to tell me it’s up to me and you really don’t care either way. Of course, the pregnancy hormones probably aren’t helping me at all.

Edit: I've responded to several comments, but my responses aren't appearing. It also says there are 30 comments, but I only see about 5. Is this the same for everybody else or can you see my responses and all of the comments here?