i think i am a pedophile.

i feel so disgusted with myself. i’m nauseous and overwhelmed.

i am attracted to my best friend’s 14 year old brother. he just turned 14, i am 19. i’ve known about him, but last week i officially met him, he reminds me of my ex i dated in high school

i got drunk with my best friend and i couldn’t stop telling her brother how handsome he was and played with his hair. i kept asking him if he was comfortable but what the fuck is wrong with me he doesn’t know any better

i want to fucking kill myself the thoughts won’t go away, i can’t stop thinking about him. i have a wonderful boyfriend but i can’t stop thinking about this KID???????? it’s driving me insane. i’ve never experienced anything like this, i’m losing my mind.

edit: everyone’s being so helpful and nice, thank you for the honesty. i will be seeking help, i don’t want to go down a dark path