Build your own Dom
In December I read The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Overall, it’s a great introduction book to bottoming specifically but also some a great “feel good about your submissiveness” book, and recommend it for all!
In the chapter about how to find a top they give some pointer on how to find good tops, what to look for etc etc. They also suggest that, if you already have a partner, perhaps you can “build your own top”.
Well, this is the concept I want to talk about. I’ve been together with my partner for over a decade and we have a child in 2022. Our vanilla sex life was never bad, but like many long term partners, not that often. He have been very open during our relationship of his kinks, so I had picked up on some fetishes. But I have not been as open - in fact, I had been quite suppressed.
Well, end of last year I introduced the idea of adding some BDSM elements to our relationship. At first he was quite shocked (and a bit taken aback), since he had no ideas these were things I’ve been interested in. Anyway, the more we talked about it, the less scared we both became. At first we just added some light impact play to our sex, then we explored some more D/s dynamics. Honestly, it was quite awkward in the beginning and non of us fully enjoyed it, because we were both beginners and unsure, and lacked trust in both ourself and the other person. The first month was a bit painful (and not the good sort of pain).
However, we have now been fully involved in a D/s dynamic (basically 24/7, but since we’re parents we kind of pause it together with our child) for over a month and … oh my God!
Honestly - we have grown so much as people. My partner is now a proud and confident Dom - even found out that he likes being a sadist (which I love as a masochist). We have sex every day. We have grown stronger with this new shared hobby of ours! We are getting involved with the local BDSM communities.
It has also been hard - being so vulnerable and honest have made us have to face sides of ourself we perhaps didn’t want to face before. I for example have had to face my issues with my own gender identity. But Honesty, even with yourself, is always best.
My partner is the most gentle, caring person - a true feminist and ally who never would dare dreaming of hurting a fly - but man, he loves using his belt on me now. 😅 My point is: you can really build your own top! Just give each other some grace and time ❤️