AITA - Rich Parents

Throwaway account of course.

Growing up, I was told that money did not matter as much as family. My family is extremely close and we were told that family is what matters. I lived a privileged but not extravagant life growing up - amazing vacations, amazing food, clothes etc. My parents hate flaunted wealth, which they never did- I respect and admire this greatly.

I was never taught financial literacy, and did not even own a credit card until my late 20s (I am now in 40s). My parents encouraged us to pursue our interests in college, which they fully paid for, under the guise that we would “be fine” (we all agree the subtext was that they would help us financially). All my siblings and I entered into “helping” professions with lower/middle incomes. We are all very frugal and totally settled in our respective careers. We all work extremely hard.

As for me, I am in a four person household in a MCOL city making 160k between two adults. I have a mortgage (totally on my own) and two young kids. In my lifetime I have seen the cost of goods, food, etc absolutely skyrocket, so while I never expected to be rich by any measure and 160 would have been more than enough 10 years ago, my profession’s income simply has not kept pace with inflation. My parents have encouraged me to get a second job, to help pay for childcare, summer camp, etc.

Over the past decade or so, my siblings and I had noted my parents seemed to be worrying about money, which we had never seen (saying things like “oh we need to be careful and not spend to much as we are now on a fixed income”), and it concerned us. I genuinely worried my parents were going to run out of money. At a recent family meeting, it was finally revealed how much money they had, and we were gobsmacked. The fixed income they have is millions a year just from investment income.

While I was relieved they would be absolutely fine, they revealed they did not intend to give us any money until they passed as they never wanted us to be “trust fund kids.” I completely get and respect this, but I also hate how having this information has made me feel. Knowing that my parents see silly things like my 20 year old car, or my brother struggling to put down money for a mortgage, and would never assist us (when I have asked for small amounts - a couple hundred dollars- in the past, I am guilt tripped to no end).

I genuinely wish I did not know how much money they had, as it makes me incredibly resentful. I also wonder why they feel comfortable making my kids trust fund kids, but essentially holding back for their own children.

I know it sounds terrible, but I do feel somewhat entitled to the money as per the values they instilled in me: that family is more important than money. If that’s the case, why not help us? It’s all quite confusing.

Feel free to tell me I am the asshole here. This is a very niche and privileged problem, I know. It is just strange to imagine I will come into major wealth in my 60s. Or perhaps I won’t? As others have noted in this group, never expect an inheritance.