Want to be off this s***

I keep going on and off. I get afraid of what I'm going to do and feel being off it long term. But it's affecting everything in my life. That really is the fear, having more time and energy, what do I do with that? I've started walking more, joined a hiking group, but it's the everyday. I get very existential when I'm not bogged down with this crap and that's no good for me.

Honestly I get afraid of progress, like if I do better I have to keep it up, as it stands now I just try to make it through each day.