I'm so deeply ashamed of my graduate school papers that I feel like I have to leave the field and go into industry.

I have published two first author papers and am in my 4th year of my PhD. I feel so ashamed of these papers. The first one especially, I always hated the project, felt awkward explaining it to people (and usually received blank stares in return). But it 'worked' and my advisor literally just told me to start writing the manuscript without us ever getting together to discuss the results, the value of the paper, the impact, etc. I had massive imposter syndrome while going through the review process, and when it got published I felt even worse! The paper has been out for a year and only has 3 citations, really only one that's genuine. I hate, hate, hate talking about this paper.

The second paper as well, the review process really made me feel shitty. I agreed with many of the reviewer comments that our conclusions were too broad and that we probably needed a second control, but that the control wasn't really feasible because of how we designed the experiment. The manipulation is awkward and again I just feel so awkward talking about and can't really explain it.

I have another paper that I'm working on which is the first one that I truly feel confident about and am proud of. However the thought of applying to postdocs and having other professors read those two awful papers and sit there confused is so terrifying to me, like I literally just wish I could start my PhD over and never do those experiments. Gahhh they're so embarrassing! All this has me feeling like I need to just crawl into a cave and leave the academic world forever to avoid having to present those results or talk about them ever again.

Anyone else go through this? Are my feelings normal or do I sound mentally ill, lol