Using a pelvic wand with hypertonic pelvic floor/sphincter, fissures advice

Hi folks! I have been going to a pelvic floor PT and we’ve exclusively done external work. This definitely has helped! I have had a variety of issues: rectal tenesmus, serious causes ruled out by colonoscopy; anal fissures, evaluated over many years by a colon and rectal surgeon; and probably the most frustrating and enduring of them all - constant urge to urinate/pressure in the bladder area. I did have relief from the last one for almost a year and a half while my brain was preoccupied with fissures, but it comes back. :( needless to say, all of these together being connected to the pelvic floor makes it highly likely all my issues are pelvic floor related! Especially since the latter most symptom almost always arises in response to emotional stressors. I haven’t done internal work as I am deathly afraid of fissures. I once had a urologist use a device to evaluate the bladder/prostate and he was not gentle and i had a really terrible time for a while after that. The PT completely understood and has not pressured me into it at all.

Lately, with my symptoms in full swing again, she suggested me doing it at home, at my own speed, and sent me the link to a pelvic wand. I want to try it as I want to feel better! Here is where it gets to be a problem — I can’t comfortably insert anything wider than a pinky when putting anal fissure medication in the area. I know my colorectal surgeon has used an anoscope, not sure if that’s any wider. I am absolutely terrified of using the pelvic wand and tearing the skin open. That said, I also haven’t tried to truly relax and take time and really, really slowly relax the muscle. I was wondering if anyone has been in the same position, and has any tips on how to do so? I imagine lubricant and going really slowly are the two most important things, but I'm still nervous. These issues make me hate my life, I just desperately want relief.