Adult daughter lost her job, had to move home, stays in her room all day/night.

Daughter (24F) is struggling. She graduated from a good university with honors, got a job offer and seemed to be off and running. In about a year she lost the job due to a downsizing. Then she got a second job that wasn’t the best and endured a somewhat toxic workplace and a bad living environment for a few months until she eventually resigned, got out of her lease, and moved home.

Once home, she began to spend roughly 23 hours a day in her room in bed. At first, I thought she might need to decompress a bit after a stressful year, but 8 months later, this is still her routine.

She doesn’t care about her personal appearance at all. Her room is a total mess like the kind with a path from the door to the bed. She subsists on breakfast bars, crackers, and water, but will emerge pleasantly enough for dinner if it’s something she likes to eat, or we invite her to a restaurant. A recent restaurant dinner experience was her rolling out of bed 10 minutes before we planned to leave, throwing on crocs, a jacket over a t shirt she may have slept in and a cheerful “See - I’m ready on time.“

She helps feed the dog when asked, but otherwise does nothing to help with the house or chores. She didn’t do a lot of this as a teen and eventually we stopped fighting about it. Probably a mistake.

Talking about these issues is a brick wall. She just retreats if pressed even very slightly and rejects any offers of support. We have offered to get her clothes, to take her to a hair salon and pay for it,  get her a gym membership, offered to help look for jobs, revise her resume, and encouraged her to get out and even find a simple local job. I’d be happy to just even just listen to her thoughts on a job search.

Once she went on a short trip to visit relatives, and we completely cleaned end organized her room (after 2 months it was still stacked with cardboard boxes from her move) and she got very upset. Another apparent mistake.

She is on some meds, and not willing to discuss what they are, as she started seeing a psychiatrist while in school (something she did not discuss with us). They treated her for BPD at the time, but I’m not sure what she’s taking them for now. (I posted a similar write up to r/BPD and they said “Doesn’t sound like BPD to us") She complains of migraines and neck pain which she treats with over-the-counter meds. She will not see a doctor despite us having good insurance and a close by practice, as well as access to many medical options from a nearby large city.

It’s sad to see her, once a motivated and lively person, living like this.  Just looking for thoughts on how to encourage her.