I will leave my family once my younger son goes to college.

I (41F) have finally summoned the courage to leave my family and for once, just live for myself. I realise it's a selfish decision and I'll be hated for it, but everyday, i suffocate in my home.

I don't hate my husband (46M), he's a wonderful man- he's bright and funny, handsome, he has never been cruel or unkind to me and I have been in love with him for many years now. But he doesn't love me. He doesn't see me. I'm an extension of him, his wife, the woman he takes to parties and gatherings. The woman who is always at home, the woman who is a consumate host. The woman who loves him.

My sons (18M and 17M) are my pride and joy, I think they love me. But they haven't respected me in years. To them, I am once again, their mother who is just a housewife. I do things for them around the house, I make their food, i listen to their problems. But I don't have a fancy job, I'm not exciting, I'm just their mom and I can't remember the last time they told me they loved me or respected. I can't remember the last time my opinion was not laughed at. I know I am not an intellectual, I am just a housewife, but does that mean my opinion should be disregarded or laughed about? They elder one is in college, he barely responds to my calls and my younger one is always busy with his studies. I understand but maybe a small acknowledgement wouldn't hurt. They went from sweet children to boys who could barely tolerate me.

I don't nag, my husband made it clear in the early days of our marriage, that his life and job is tough and he wants peace in the house. So I don't nag. I try to make the house as warm and loving as possible. I celebrate their birthdays with pomp, i remember every important date, every promotion, every social event. I can't remember the last time they celebrated my birthday. Our last anniversary party was 3 years ago- i wanted to go to a nice little place with my family but my husband turned it into an office promotion party + anniversary party. These are so small, I feel like an idiot, crying about my petty issues, but I don't have any other outlet. I want to talk. I want to talk to my husband, I want him to listen to me, I want him to spend time with me but I don't try anymore, he mostly ignore when I try. . Like I said, he's stressed and I told myself long ago, that home would be a place where he felt at peace. So I stay silent and smile.

I do wonder if he cheats on me. He's a good man and our intimate life is still active, but he has more options. He's still handsome and charming . There are women who he respects more , pretty women with wonderful careers. I barely ever worked. I wonder if he looks at them and thinks with disgust about the leech who sits at home and doesn't match him.

For people worried that I'll take him to the cleaners, don't worry. I will leave everything, all the jewelry he ever bought me, all the money in our account. Maybe I'll take just a little, to set myself up for a while. My parents left me some money a few years ago and I invested that , so I have something on which I can fall back. My brother is going to help me buy a shop, I don't need too much, so I'll manage with whatever that gets me. Rest, I'll take only my streedhan (I'll keep some pieces aside for my future dils) and maybe I can sell that in case of emergencies. My children and husband will have my numbers, they can call me whenever they wish, although i don't think they will. But I will leave and be by myself, my own person. I don't wish for much, but I do hope that whatever remaining years I have, they will be kind to me.

I apologise for this long post filled with my petty problems and for wasting the time of those who sat and read the whole post.

TL;DR: I'm leaving my family, because I feel like a piece of furniture in my own home.

EDIT: I want to make sure that people realise, I do not hate my husband or children. They are my life, even now. They are not monsters, they are human and we have had so much joy in life. It was not all bad, much of it was good and I don't regret it. I am at fault more than them. I spent my entire life making myself so small, that they couldn't see me. Even now, I have so much in my heart, that I want to say, but for years , no one listened and now I don't know how to say it.

EDIT 2: I POSTED AN UPDATE SINCE THERE WERE TOO MANY COMMENTS AND MESSAGES. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL TO NOT ADDRESS WHEN PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN OUT THE TIME TO WRITE. https://www.reddit.com/r/OffMyChestIndia/s/xhgqPc4WFq