PURE OCD - SOLOPSISM/EXISTENTIAL - Help needed.

Please take the time to help if you can. It’s pretty scary in my brain right now.

I am 24(f) and have had ocd on and off for about 4 years. 18-20 was a weed panic attack that lead to panic disorder and being scared of panic and then DPDR was triggered. From there I googled and googled and that spiraled in to my now existing Solopsism/Existential ocd.

I have a hard time with the ERP for this theme. Because if solopsism is true I genuinely believe I would kms. If nothing was real and nothing had meaning what would be the point? And I know nothing will disprove this theory so my brain is constantly like “well what if that’s fake too” or “well what if that’s just In my head too”. Even when I’ve done CBT. I look at the therapist and have a hard time actively taking what they are saying in because “what if they’re fake too”.

I’m scared I’m stuck like this. I’m scared I’ll never be able to be fully in my life anymore. I am scared when I talk to people now and unable to be fully present cause my ocd is just like “what if you don’t exist outside my brain” “what if my brain (because it’s the only real one) is creating everything just to make sure I don’t feel alone”. Or what if I can’t remember my birth because it didn’t actually happen. I HATE THIS.

It’s so hard to just accept that life could be fake or could be real. How does anyone live like this.

I’m on lexapro and it comes and goes but this is the worst it’s been in a long time.

Help please.