Does anyone else feel like they messed up their life?

I’m 22 turning 23 in a couple months and I have NVLD, ADHD, some anxiety, and have dealt with bouts of depression on and off since I was about 14. Despite all of this, I feel like I have accomplished quite a bit for someone in my position, considering I’ve been told that my NVLD is severe.

I was in special Ed in elementary school but struggled immensely throughout high school where I was fully mainstreamed, but I still managed to graduate on time with the help of a tutor. I am also very close to getting my full drivers license which is something I never thought I’d be able to do.

I also went into a college diploma program for a year, but it didn’t work out because it was too socially and academically demanding, so I ended up going into a useless certificate program because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life (and still don’t really) which I graduated from in December 2023.

Since the beginning of last year, I have been searching for a a good job and haven’t had much luck. I managed to get one job as a clerk in a grocery store but had to quit after a few months because my employer and coworkers weren’t treating me well and started taking advantage of me.

A few weeks ago I almost got a good office job but I didn’t even last a day there because during training I realized that the employer wasn’t upfront about what he wanted from me and the job turned out to be way more complicated than I originally thought.

I feel like I messed up my life big time because I can’t get a good paying job that’s right for me and that I can handle, and to make things even more complicated, I’m in a serious relationship with another neurodivergent person (not NVLD) who is in a similar position.

Me and my partner both want to get married in about 2-3 years from now and ideally start having kids in about 5-6 years from now. However, considering the position we’re in, that dream sounds like just that, a dream that is very unrealistic.

I don’t know what to do or where to turn but I just feel like my life is hopeless and that I won’t be able to accomplish what I want. In addition, I’m constantly worried/paranoid that my boyfriend will break up with me if I don’t find a job soon, even though he’s in the same boat but has had a little more luck than me.

Sometimes I feel like I want do my life over again and right all of my wrong decisions that lead to where I’m at or that that an asteroid can just come down and wipe me out from this planet so I don’t have to go through life constantly struggling anymore.

Basically, I just needed to vent and I also want to know if anyone possibly has some advice or has at least felt the same way so I know I’m not alone, which is how I feel right now.

I really just need to know that there’s hope from others who’ve gone through something similar in their lives.