I have started a meditation practice as of yesterday after having horrible intrusive thoughts for some time now.

I am having horrible violent intrusive thoughts of hurting myself or others. I just want to be clear first meditation is not the only thing I am doing. I have a counselor, a therapist, I go to 12 step meetings, and I have a psychiatrist I am on meds for my condition as well.

The meds help a wee bit. The therapist helps a wee bit. I am hoping that meditation can help me to focus my attention better on positive things. I also hope it helps me to realize they are only thoughts, thoughts pass, and should I feel like I might act on my thoughts ( my biggest fear and the worst part of living with this right now always believing I might hurt someone or myself) I have enough spaciousness to remove myself from the situation immediately and get to a hospital. More than anything though, I wish for meditation to relieve me of my stress, fear and anxiety period. Or make it more bearable

I've tried meditation in the past but was half assing it. This time I have a log where I am keeping track of each time I do it. For now, I am hoping to get in two to three sessions a day on work days and as many as four on weekends. Each session lasting 5 to 20 minutes. During my evening session I am thinking of starting that meditation 1 hour before bed. This way should I really get into it going forward if the guided portion of it ends I can continue on my own. Right now I am using mindfulness meditation. My anchors are whatever the narrator on the video tells me they are or when I am going solo ( I haven't yet) I will be using my breath, the darkness of the back of my eyes or the sensations of my body.

I am excited for meditation for the first time ever. I used to think meditation was a chore and my attempts were always thwarted because I had a block in my mind that it wouldn't work, or it was going to cause suffering or I'd get bored. Then I heard a talk online where the narrator said look forward to it. Other than observing breath there are no requirements. You can stretch before and for the most part relax and try to be at ease. Once I realized and had it in my minds eye my only task was to observe breath, watch thoughts, guide my mind back and relax. I started thinking its something I could do. And over time as it gets easier it my be the most fun I have during the day. Or at least a cooling off period for my over active mind.

Wish me well, words of encouragement, tips for meditation, other strategies, video recommendations, book recommendations all welcome. If you've had experience with troubling thoughts or intrusive thoughts chime in. Basically, for tonight I just want to be seen. I hate to say this but I am a person that thrives off validation and positivity. I need someone to tell it can only get better and I am doing the right thing. I am desperate.