what the actual fuck

i know that i cant express through reddit how devastated i feel by all of this, but believe me i am going insane. i cant stop thinking about thinking. i cant stop thinking about my brain. it causes me disturbing feelings when i think about being me and being human. how am i even possibly going to feel okay with being human who thinks and feels again. i think about my past and rvery singe memory where i have felt happy feels polluted by what i experience now, even though i was happy back then. i am trapped in this. idk if i should take meds. idk if its dp. im scared for my life. even while writing this im like who tf is doing this is it me or is it my brain. am i