How To Feel Happy Being a Man?

It’s always been a bit come or go, but I go between wanting to be more femme and wanting to be more masculine. When I was a teen that wasn’t a problem cause I could phase between both.

But now I’m 23 and I am a 6’0” guy with a deep voice, broad chest, and a thick build. And I feel very much like a guy, but I hate what I see in the mirror except for the few femme parts I see.

Life would be so much easier if I could just be a man. My family would accept me. I would be much happier. I wouldn’t have this constant internal struggle anytime I try to change ANYTHING about my appearance.

I AM MISERABLE

I don’t feel like myself and I hate it. I have this internal view of who I am which is shattered every time I look in the mirror or take a picture.

I’ve been able to help this some by growing out my hair, but that stopped helping and now I’m struggling. I got my ears pierced recently which was a huge step and my gf suggested it and I’m SO glad that I did it.

But I think I need to just start doing things like that which are one shot things to make me feel more feminine. And slowly as my mindset becomes more feminine I can become more feminine.

But I lack any feminine characteristics and I hate myself every time I try to become more femme which oftentimes stops me from working out too. I hate it all.

How can I find peace in it all? This tears at me and I wonder if this will be my whole life.