What drugs would you do in my shitty situation?

I have a serious health issue. I’m not going to die (or at least it’s unlikely) but I will probably have to do chemo. I am incredibly distressed. Panic attack city over here. I’m only 33 and I have a young child.

My doctor gave me a small script for Ativan because I’m so distressed. Never genuinely needed benzos like this in my life, but it’s warranted. I plan on using them sparingly.

I take kratom daily and since the beginning of this I’ve been taking a kava extract to calm down. Seems to prevent some of the panic attacks. I’m running low. I’m going to pick up some weed from the dispo tomorrow…. I usually hate weed because it makes me scared but I figure I can use it when I take Ativan only and hopefully it doesn’t make me panic more.

What else should I take or consider taking/ trying during this difficult time waiting? I could be in limbo for weeks until I can see the next specialist. Should I ask the doctor if I can go back on gabapentin? I was on it before but I don’t particularly find it enjoyable. When I tell you I’m having a hard time, this is essentially unbearable. I can’t eat or sleep, my health issue is causing a hormonal problem that’s making me mentally unstable. It’s incredibly distressing. I need to be high until this is over, but I don’t even know what else to use. The Ativan helps but I have a limited supply and I’m scared of getting physically dependent.