How Should I have reacted to a cancelled engagement? - 30F
Last year, my then-partner and I had our parents meet. His single mom was hostile towards me. We both went to Europe after she gave us a date for an engagement. After we returned, his mom said no to the engagement. I lost my mind and my mental health suffered. I also abused him and his family over my calls with him.
We both tried to reconcile but fought a lot. This man tells me I should have had more grace. Sure, I wish I had it in me to not get that angry, but he keeps bringing it up. What does this mean?
During those days, his sister took 12 hours to respond to a message of mine while I was in her city and messaged her to meet me (I was asked by my ex to meet her). I had recommended that girl to 4-5 jobs, and I felt used that she didn’t even have the sense to respond to my message. It felt so disrespectful, especially because his mother had already canceled the engagement.
How am I supposed to think about this? He keeps repeating, "You should have used your energy better than abusing me and my family." A few months later, he suggested working it out, but I told him he must move out of his current home where he lives with his mom. He agreed, but later said I was making him choose between her and myself. I never told him not to provide for her, but I’m never going to live with such a person, right?
I’m not proud of abusing them or feeling suicidal. But how else do people respond when they go all over Europe after being promised an engagement and then being denied it for no reason? I feel like that entire family owes me my mental health.
Anyway, back to my question: how was I supposed to react? I keep thinking about it, but it’s too triggering a moment in my life to think about straight. Help me?
Today is 6 months to the day I was hoping to get engaged. I was in his city when his monster mom said no to host me for a roka (for no reason at all)! But I keep thinking where did I go wrong.
Sharing more about this for everyone’s awareness: