I can’t do the endoscopy

I have the positive blood test and both pairs of genes for celiac disease, but my doctor still wants to do the endoscopy. I have it scheduled for April, and I have to start eating gluten again at the end of February.

I don’t think my body can withstand another round of testing. Every time I eat it, my symptoms get significantly worse and last longer than the last time. My cognitive function takes a nose dive every time I eat it and negatively impacts my job performance. I’m about to start a new job and I want to make a good impression on them.

I feel so sick all of the time because I’m still trying to heal from the last round of testing. I feel weak, tired, and depressed. I didn’t think gluten impacted my mental health as badly as it did until my boyfriend pointed it out. When I eat it my anxiety shoots through the roof and I become a difficult person to be around (my words, not his).

I don’t think I can do this to myself again for six more weeks. My quality of life gets so bad to where I sometimes get suicidal.

I know that I have celiac disease and not just gluten intolerance, all signs are pointing to it. I just can’t do the last step of getting diagnosed.

It is so fucked up what we have to do to ourselves to get a diagnosis confirmation. I’m in the US and unlike Canada, we get no financial assistance when buying GF food. I really don’t see a point of doing the endoscopy.

I don’t want to be sick anymore. I want my body to heal and I want to feel as good as I did when I first went GF. My quality of life is so bad right now.