I AM DONE

I have not been a top performer all my life but somewhat smart have always scored 80+ in everything one can say, filled CAT AND NMAT forms only till now , started preparing (not 100%) in August, have only completed ratios, percentages, averages mixtures and allegations in quants till now, have seen thode bohot number system ke videos! LR DI mein have only seen 5/6 videos of rodha LR PLAYLIST and English inconsistently dekh leti kabhi kabar. Not very well financially, hence no coaching, YT and telegram material) The last I actually studies for anything was in class 12th boards and it's been 5 years almost that I have sat and studied with focus. I do not know how to explain this but these five years I have done a lot of fun (nashe) and I guess my brain is a lil fried now, dealing with things too, very low in self confidence, don't think I have it in me, stuggling to be awake!! This is the first time in four years, after my dad's death that I might be on a detox, hence not being able to sit and study for hours and even if I try, ek do ghante mein bohot brainfog ho jaa raha, zyada dimaag ni laga paa rahi, I know it will take time, but I don't want it to take time, I want to score a decent percentile as already forms and exams ke itne paise lag chuke hai, but mujhse padhai nahi ho paa rahi, samjh nahi aa raha kya karun. Yaha pe bhi RR karne aagayi hun bc fucking lowlife feel ho raha