I'm not ok I need help

I'm in my parents at 30 with no bipolar meds, screaming, yelling at them, angry, i ended up physical with them and I'm thinking of suicide. I think I'm in a manic episode, unfortunately due gastritis I took off meds in December and now I no longer have a doc that could prescribe me the meds I have to wait the 28th of January to go to the clinic and I'm taking Klonopin to calm down. I'm so fucked up man, I hate me, I hate everyone