AITA for ruining family therapy? (New Update)
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Human_Dog1732
AITA for ruining family therapy?
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole
Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 for finding the new update
TRIGGER WARNING: child neglect, entitlement, exploitation of a child, emotional abuse
EDITOR'S NOTE: To avoid confusion OOP refers to her father as stepsiblings dad. OOP also uses, BF - Bio Father
Original Post May 17, 2024
My (18 f) mom died when I was 7. My father aka step siblings dad remarried a year later. His new wife had 3 kids A (8 m) B (6 m) C (3 f). He said she wanted a dad for her kids and he wanted a mom for me. I remember telling him I didn't want a new mom. He said I would understand later. My step siblings dad basically stopped doing anything alone with me. No more camping nights in the back yard or movie nights which we had done every week for years. Nothing. He spent time with all his new kids 'to bond'. Its been 11 years and he still doesn't have time for me bc hes 'bonding with them.' He stoped coming to my games when I got to HS.
His wife & I have nothing in common. I play three sports and I'm on the speech team. She's very girly and like girl trips to buy clothes and makeup at different malls. She knows I don't want to go but just tells my step siblings dad that she invited me. I have a teammate I play two sports with. Her parents have become like my own. She said she is totally fine with it. I've make sure all the time bc I don't want to take someone else's parents. But she's always the one to invite me over, brings her parents to my swim meets bc she knows no one will be there for me. Invited me to go shopping for mother/father day gifts and says their from both of us. Her parents get me holiday gifts and say I'm always welcome.
Senior night at basketball, I told her my step siblings dad isn't going to walk me around the floor bc he doesn't even come to games. She asked her dad to walk both of us and he was happy to. In a small town that made the paper bc they thought it was sweet. My step siblings dad flipped out & took us all to therapy. He asked why he hadn't been asked. I said bc he didn't come to games. He said he didn't know I played basketball anymore. I asked if that's why he didn't come to swim or softball when he couldn't miss A and B's practices. Or come to speech meets when he went to C's dance recitals. He just stared at me and said he didn't know I still did those either. I asked why he talked for days about B's camping trip but didn't ask about my senior trip to Mexico. He said he didn't know I went. I said he signed the form. He admitted he didn't read it. I asked if he remembered the last time I called him dad. He said he didn't know I stopped. I said May 13 2021. He said that was the day A B C started. I said I know. You stopped being my dad when you started being theirs. I walked out of therapy.
Edit: I played all three since I was a toddler so I'm not sure why he thought I stopped. He never asked why I came home a couple hours after practice or went out on weekends for game days. When I talked about games, he said I thought I was just playing with friends bc all my friends play.
Update got deleted. Basically I'm getting some info on my trust and belongings it paid for. My friends dad tried to confront my step siblings dad about why I can't go over anymore but he just shut the door on him and I check in daily with my friend or her parents via phone. My step siblings are all mad at both their parents and are being very supportive.
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP explaining to her father how she feels about him and her friends family
Atp I'm more angry that I have to miss practices for therapy and that I'm no longer allowed over to my friend's house bc 'they're a bad influence'. I'm happy he found his new family and I found mine. I'd be content with going NC with them to have my real family back. I miss them so much. When I told him I felt like I lost my family, he cried and said he understood then got mad and yelled at me when I told him I meant the family I had for the last few years not him.
How does he not know she still does sports
I paid for the sports registration and equipment out of the trust my mom left me. I just had to go to the bank and write out a request and the next day I'd pick up the money. He said if I wanted him there I should have given a schedule. I told him that I don't understand why he would think I would just stop playing all the sports I had played since I was a toddler and that he didn't get schedules from my stepsiblings. He got them himself. Then he just got mad and walked out.
How did her dad not know she went to Mexico? And how did OOPget a passportwithouta parent
I had to have the form signed at the beginning of the year for numbers planning for the teacher. I was 17. I got my passport after my birthday before the trip and paid for it out of my mom's trust fund. He knew I went on a trip but didn't know where to.
OOP
I'll probably do an update soon. But basically I'm not allowed to go to my friend's house anymore because he says her parents are a bad influence. He says I never told him anything about what I did so he shouldn't be expected to know. His wife says she just wanted a dad for her kids and it isn't her fault, which is true. My step siblings have been nice and said they thought he knew about my games and would be totally okay with him skipping theirs to come to my remaining games. They have been more mad at him than anything else and told him if he can't go to mine then he doesn't need to go to theirs and he said they were being brats but they don't care.
AITA for ruining family therapy pt 2 May 21, 2024 (4 days later)
Update because a lot of people were worried about me not being able to get my things from my bio father's house and going back to therapy. Turns out it's not even necessary.
After my last post my step mother (SM) wanted us all to go to the lake house. That's her happy place/safe space/sanctuary she says and it's her answer to everything. Wants the boys out. She sends my bio father and her sons to the lake house. Time with her daughter. Lake house. Time alone. Lake house by herself. She does photography there & she's right. It does look like a post card. Two story 'cabin' style. They never took me for the girls trips or boy trips only when everyone went together.
My stepsiblings won't call bio father dad anymore. My SM said if he isn't their dad and she isn't my mom why are they even married. Bio F asked if she wanted a divorce & she said she didn't sign up for the drama. They argued and we went hang out by the lake. We've been getting along great now "against the parents" which I didn't see coming.
Any way we went back to therapy yesterday and my step sis brought up are they getting divorced. Bio F said not if they can work it out in therapy. Therapist asked if it could be amicable cause it's obvious they're cold to each other. SM said her kids could see Bio Father but she would just want "her place." He said that wasn't possible bc it's actually mine bc my mom had it before they were married & it's part of the prenup. SM was LIVID & ugly cried. Mad all the way home. Then asked about the house we live in. BF tried to get her out of the kitchen but she screamed & he admitted that my grandpa gave it to my mom as a wedding gift BEFORE they were married. Turns out he won't let me move out bc the house is actually mine since I turned 18. She said split the savings bc they had been living 'way below their means'. He told her most the savings/Certificates of Deposits were accounts set up for me by moms parents. She has been crying in her room and says I'm selfish for not letting her have the lake house my great g-pa built & gave to my g-pa who gave it to my mom.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Wild_Black_Hat
What in the world....? So she never put a cent towards those and somehow never asked herself in all those years how the assets would be split in the event of a divorce?!
OOP
I doubt she ever thought about divorce until last week. Everything kind of exploded. Since they don't have a prenup she probably thought she got half of everything.
NEW UPDATE
Update 2 Aug 5, 2024
A lot of people have been asking how things are going. Way more than I expected so here we go. I'm about to leave for college. Yay. As of right now my bio father & his wife (for now) are still living in my house and paying rent. I got a lawyer and they suggested retroactive rent as well. This will only go back to my 18th birthday and I officially owned the house. My lawyer got me in touch with a good account that he uses for cases like this who went over everything that is in my trust & savings with the person at the bank who oversaw giving me my allowances from my trust.
My biofather hadn't taken any money directly from my accounts bc they were unavailable until I turned 18 except for the one I used for daily use. I always got receipts that came out even so I'm not worried about those.
I did learn more about the property I own. This actually came out before the lawyer and accountant bc my stepmother wanted some other property that's mine. There is a beach house she wanted and a smaller house that gets rented out and the money goes to one of my accounts. She was furious she doesn't get either.
She and my BF bicker and honestly it's hilarious. Ex: Her "Why didn't you ever tell me that none of the money was yours?!" Him "If money was so important to you why didn't you ever get a job?!"
Also I may get their cars because my BF had terrible credit and used my house to get the loan as collateral. Same with the boat. She's a lot madder than him.
My step siblings don't even speak to my biofather anymore bc they feel like he made them the bad guys and I told them he didn't and it wasn't their fault at all.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
AnotherRTFan
Are you able to see your bestie and her family again?
OOP
Yep I visit with them a lot. There's really nothing he can do to stop me now. He can say that I can't take anything from the house but since it's my house that isn't a problem anymore.
ConditionBig6373
Maybe you should invite your friend and her family over for dinner. I would love to hear about your father's reaction to that! 😀😃😄😁😆😂🤣
OOP
I don't live in the house anymore so I don't eat dinner there either lol
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