Second thoughts about home birth plan

Since I’ve gotten pregnant, I’ve been planning on a home water birth with a midwife (Michelle) that a large handful of my friends have used.

I’ve been told Michelle is very experienced, has assisted in over 400 births, and owns a non-profit for doula training services. Sounds pretty good, right?

Yesterday I finally had my consultation with her, to set up prenatal and midwife care.

A few things mentioned during the consultation:

• She is not legally a midwife, because she failed her exam, but still does midwife services. For legal documentation/paperwork purposes, she uses a different midwife’s name (someone who is legally a midwife).

• She believes that the legal regulations and laws for doulas/midwives are just “reference points” and she frequently flexes the rules or doesn’t follow them at all. This is her own words.

• Her website states that her services help prevent maternal death, my husband asked why that is. She seemed to struggle to find an answer for a moment, and said something about “it’s better to birth the child the same place they were conceived”. I wasn’t very satisfied with her response, I was hoping for a more logical or medical explanation?

• This is the least important point, but her services are expensive, like almost $900 a month until I give birth. My friends said it’s cheaper in the long run than a hospital, but I can slowly pay off the hospital bill, right?

Soooo now I’m having second thoughts about the whole home birth thing. I’m not sure how my friends used her services without seeing red flags.

I have lots of anxiety, and sometimes medical environments make me really anxious. Home birth would solve the anxiety issue, but I don’t want to be putting me and my baby’s life in the wrong hands. So now I feel like I’m back at square one with my birth plan :(

Sorry for the long post, needed to get this off my chest lol