Unclear conditions

Hi everyone,

I hope that by typing this out, I'll gain some clarity on how to proceed with my situation.

To start, I want to clarify that I’ve never been an au pair—only a babysitter and a teacher. Before taking this job, I had very positive work experiences where I felt valued and respected by my colleagues and employers.

In early November, I moved in with a family with two kids. The family is connected to my boyfriend’s family, so the arrangement was very informal. I had been accepted to a local university, and since they previously had a full-time au pair but no longer needed one, they offered me a place to stay in exchange for occasional childcare. The mother told me they would only need me a few times a week—mainly for school/activity pickups or when one of the parents was on a business trip. She also promised to cover transportation costs and assured me that it would be an easy setup that allowed me to focus on my studies. The children (both between 10-15 years old) were described as quite independent.

However, the situation has drastically changed. It now seems like the parents are separating. The father, who was originally the primary caregiver (waking up with the kids, cooking, helping them to sleep, etc.), is now spending two weeks per month away. Meanwhile, the mother works 11-hour days and frequently socializes in her free time, leaving much of the responsibility to me when the father is gone.

Suddenly, I am working around 25 hours per week without pay. Things escalated when one of the kids refused to go to school while the father was away. The mother started yelling at me, saying that I was much worse than their previous au pairs and that she needed me to be "fully on" every day—or else she would take my room away. She also mentioned that she didn’t want to do that since rent in the city is very high. She didn’t let me respond, and when I became emotional, I left the conversation.

Two days later, I approached her and explained that I didn’t think her expectations were reasonable. I reminded her that I was not a full-time au pair and had agreed to help only a few times per week while focusing on my studies. I told her that if they needed full-time childcare, they should hire an actual au pair. She apologized and assured me that we would "manage" and create a better schedule for when the father is away.

Now, the plan is that the father will be gone for half of each month, and during those times, I will take full responsibility for the children. However, when I initially agreed to this arrangement, I was planning to take occasional job opportunities in my field of study—not only as a way to earn extra money but also to keep my career progressing. With the current workload expected by the family, I am unable to do that.

Given the circumstances, I believe I should be compensated fairly for my time and work. How should I approach asking for a reasonable salary and better-defined work conditions? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!