AITA for being angry at my grandpa over college fund?

Hey! So this has been bugging me for a while and I think it’s time I make a post on it.

So my grandpa has been making a college fund for me since I was born. Initially incredibly appreciative. Who wouldn’t? He’s been gradually adding to it over many birthdays and milestones. That fund up to now will pay for majority of my undergraduate education. I’m so humbled and grateful to be debt free going in and out of undergrad. I can actually make a decision on where I want to go instead of worrying about cost.

Let’s take a step back now. I love my grandpa. He’s done so much for me over the years and will continually do much more over the upcoming years. He’s a great guy at heart and, on paper, he does do a lot for others. But I’ve noticed over the years that there’s almost always selfish intent in what he does for someone (my opinion).

The first example of this was handing me down his car. I was super thankful. Actually so stoked to get a car at 16. But after he gave it to me, he would continually ask “how is my car doing,” and so forth. He would never let go of the fact that it was his car. He’d urge me to do specific things with my car after giving it to me, like getting it waxed, taken care of, etc. Fair trade off I suppose and I think many would agree with that. Let’s move onto the college fund.

Obviously I didn’t have a choice in the college fund. He just started saving for me. And once again on paper, it’s a blessing. It was figured when I was baby that, as long as I went to college, I could decide in which way to put that money into use. Excellent. Wonderful.

I wasn’t a great student in elementary/middle school, but I really picked it up in high school. Great grades, 4.0 UW Summa Cum Laude all semesters. I’m still not on par with even some upper schools such as University of Michigan (you’ll see why I mentioned it in a second), but my grandpa realized my grades incredibly quickly.

Since my end of Sophomore year, he began dangling the idea of University of Michigan. We visited it, checked it out, nice school but I am interested in other alternatives. Over the years he has been heavily recommending it, as it’s also his favorite school he never got to go to. And Michigan is a great school, it’s just not exactly what I’m looking for, even if I think I can’t get in there during Regular decision (he also kind of pressured me to apply there when I didn’t want to).

Over the past couple months, it has gotten extremely worse. He’s not even trying to subtly hide it anymore. He said I had to apply to Michigan because that was the least I could do since he’s paying for my college. Fine. I applied. A month ago he said to me “If you get into Michigan, you’re going there.” That really caught me off guard and made me feel a mix of shock and anger. Why does he feel he gets the decision of where I go to college? Even by paying for it. It was never figured from the get go I’d go to Michigan, just as long as I went to college.

My mom and I looked at UTampa a little while ago. Also not for me, but my mom is still in love with the campus. She’s not pressuring me to go there, but we’re going to see the campus next month. A week ago when she mentioned this to my grandpa, he said “I don’t want him going to Tampa.” And then when my mom clapped back and asked why he gets to make that decision, he said “Well I’m paying for his college.” I heard about this conversation this morning from my mom who refused to tell me until now. He hasn’t said it outright but I’m worried the next step is that he’s going to withhold the funds if I were to somehow get into Michigan during Regular Decision and I decide not to go.

It’s so sad to continually hear about this. I’ve loved this man for my entire life. Looked up to him. My mentor. Was poor and worked his way from the ground up to where he is now to provide for us. An actual inspiration of a human being. But I’m slowly losing respect (don’t know if that’s the right word here) for him. I’ve tried to reason with it, but I just can’t. It really bugs me.

I do keep in mind people would kill to be in the position I’m in. Going to Michigan all 4 years for undergrad debt free. And that’s why I also feel somewhat guilty feeling the way I do.

AITA for not appreciating the college fund? I guess it’s not the college fund itself, but the selfish intent behind it. Please let me know in the comments. I know this was a long read so thank you if you made it this far :)

tl;dr: Grandpa initially been saving fund for college since I was little. Now that I’m a great student, he now is starting to feel like he gets the say in which college I attend when that never was established once. He’s using the fund as an excuse for that.