AITA for feeling that my girlfriend's immaturity is holding me back?

I am writing this to gain some perspective on my situation. I feel my girlfriend is too immature and is holding me back.

Our relationship started about two and a half years ago. We met on Tinder, and the first year was a long-distance relationship. Almost a year and a half ago, we moved in together at my place.

In the beginning, we both had a lot of patience with each other. I was (and still am) working on showing my emotions more, and I've made huge progress. It's not that I never had emotions; I just didn't think it was as important to say things as long as I was doing things out of love.

Over time, she felt uneasy because I wasn't saying "I love you" as often as she did, and I wasn't hugging her as much as she wanted. Instead, I was always looking out for her, taking care of her, preparing meals, making food for her when she was leaving for work, cleaning our apartment when she was working late. I was taking care of a lot of stuff around the house so she wouldn't have to worry about anything besides work and university. She's 27, but due to some tough times in her teenage years, she didn't finish it back then, so she started again now. I know she was tired from both work and university, so I tried to support her by taking on many daily duties.

I helped her make her resume to look for jobs, and she was lucky to find something that allowed her to evolve professionally. Her progress in one year is quite impressive, and she has been promoted both in position and financially. She is getting a pretty nice payout.

Though she works in customer service and interacts with a lot of entitled and angry people, I understand this is stressful. Plus, her university allows her to miss about half of the classes as long as she attends the labs and some more important classes. It's quite relaxed, with about 1-2 days per week of attendance, and as long as she learns for exams, she's good.

Her work allows her to leave for a few hours to attend classes, go to university, and then get back to finish her shift. For the past six months, she has mostly been working from home, only going to the office 1-2 days a month. The commute to university takes 25 minutes by bus.

We've had a lot of conversations and communicated a lot, both working toward improving our relationship. But she is getting extremely comfortable. With this relaxed schedule at school and an understanding workspace, she is now unable to attend half of her exams because she wasn't at school this semester. I didn't know this, and even though I ask her every now and then how it's going, she says it's fine. I don't think I should push this much for her to go to university and follow her studies; At her age she should be mature enough to understand how important it is.

Since we moved in together, she hasn't had any worries. I cover the expenses during the month, and at payday, she gives me her share (we agreed to split most of the stuff). Even though I cover quite a bit more than her, I'm fine with that because I have a much better salary. I want her to feel comfortable and safe, without any pressure, money-wise. I do the groceries, make sure we have everything we need at home, and ensure we clean the place together every week or cover for each other when one of us can't. It saddens me that she still says she is doing it (cleaning the apartment) for me, not for us, and not because it's normal to take care of our place. I always encourage her to feel at home, and whenever we talk about this subject, I refer to it as "our" place, not "my" place. I'm doing everything I can to make her feel safe and not pressured.

Recently, we had a conversation about how we split our expenses. Even though we agreed to split everything equally when we moved in together, I slowly took on more of the expenses to a point where I am covering quite a bit more. Again, this is not an issue for me; I am doing it because I want to help her. However, during our recent discussion, she said she doesn't agree with splitting things anymore because I have a better pay than her. This came across as if she is entitled to more just because I get paid more. It was a red flag back then and still is, but I kind of overlooked it and avoided the reality. When we had this conversation, we were having somewhat of a downfall and were really uncomfortable with each other. We sat down, talked, and cleared a lot of things, and this was one of them. While this might sound stupid, it does make sense, and I told her that if she wants queen treatment, I'm expecting king treatment. I don't feel I am getting any of that, and yet she is asking for more. This route doesn't feel like a good idea to go down because it shifts the power dynamic. I think it would be much healthier if we both provide equally, even if it's in different aspects.

I feel I have to explain so many things to her and teach her how things work. She is extremely clumsy and worry-free (maybe that's partly my fault). She doesn't worry about bills because I make sure to pay them on time.

While we are progressing and improving, I feel that I have to teach her a lot of things she should know by now. Another hot topic is intimacy. I was open with her about my preferences and made sure she knew that I was open to hearing and doing whatever she wanted to enjoy it. Ever since we moved in together, I've had to painfully point out that I would like us to take a shower before being intimate or at least shower every day. I was always talking about "us," but I was trying to tell her to please take a shower, as her feet were smelling, and to please shave her legs and armpits. It was painful to say it to her, and it's painful to write it down. I haven't had relationships that lasted this long before, and she is the first girlfriend I've lived with. I don't know, and don't think this is normal, but I told her many times, and I don't think I'm asking for a lot. I was voicing my preferences and explaining that for me, seeing that is unattractive. Because of that, we had many talks about why I wasn't engaging in intimate acts as much. She knew why but either didn't care or didn't know what to say.

I see in her myself from some years ago. We are both stubborn, and I'm no saint; I've made many mistakes too. Whenever I try to explain to her that she needs to push more at work, progress, find a new job if she doesn't like it, finish her studies, learn new things, and grow as a person, she doesn't seem to take it seriously. At our age, these are topics she should focus on.

Another frustrating aspect is the lifestyle I'm trying to have. I'm trying to be physically active because I already spend many hours sitting for work. I try to go for a run or a walk, but she is not interested. I tried to do some light exercises with her at home, but she is not interested. All she does during work hours is half play Genshin and half do her work. After work, she is fully on Genshin. Every now and then, she makes a meal, and we clean the place weekly and keep it tidy, but that's about it.

While things have improved, I feel like I'm being dragged down. I feel like an asshole for thinking this way, but it's been on my mind for a while. I think we are both comfortable with having someone around, enjoying the occasional nice and intimate moments, and then going back to our own lives. I don't know; I'm trying to get some perspective because with minimal social life, I feel stuck in this internal echo chamber. I want to avoid messing up a potentially great relationship just because I'm dense.

I feel like I'm doing so much more. I make sure the fridge is always full, there's always good quality food, I keep tabs on household consumables, and I pay bills and subscriptions on time.

It's hard to have anything other than small talk. We don't have much in common in terms of interests. I'm trying to learn new things, grow as a person, stay in shape, take care of myself, and evolve both personally and professionally. She just doesn't. She says she is fine with where she is and how things are, but I can't help but feel that a lot of how things are right now for her is because of me, and she doesn't want to change that.

Financially, she is not the most responsible person either. She got a new credit card recently and is already making and buying things she can't really sustain. Again, partly my fault because I'm facilitating an environment where she doesn't have to worry about that. While she is not going overboard, having to pay about 30% of her pay per month is huge to me, and it's for clothes, gadgets, and other small things. Yes, she has toned it down lately, and she needed a new mouse and headphones. She got me something expensive for Christmas because she wanted to "spoil me." It's heartwarming, and I understand her pure intention, but she doesn't have to. I never implied I wanted expensive things. The best thing she's ever gotten me is a keychain with a character I really like. I always told her I like meaningful things. If I hear her say she likes or wants something, I act on it and tell her we're not getting that now, and with the next occasion or our anniversary, I get it for her. I advocate for things we really like, not expensive stuff. That keychain was proof she was listening to me. The expensive thing, yes, it was something I mentioned maybe 2 or 3 times since we met, but I wasn't overly into it. I feel unreasonable, but at the same time, I'm frustrated because these are real thoughts and feelings, and if I neglect them, they will grow inside. I don't want that.

In terms of communication, I think we're doing pretty well. She is aware of these things, and I am aware of her things. I just feel that whenever I open up and say these very personal things, she wants to get over it because it makes her uncomfortable. She hears me but doesn't always listen. I try not to give up and still open up, telling her in the calmest and understanding tone what bothers me so she doesn't feel attacked. I want her to know what presses me, but I feel she just wants to have that conversation over. It feels like one of those parent-to-kid talks, where I tell her something she's been doing or not doing, she understands and agrees with me, and then it's back to square one.